Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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