this boner is exhausting
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
