It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
