p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
