respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
