I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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