Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
