I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
