I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
