this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
