nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
