p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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