Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
