I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
