what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
