Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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