I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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