We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I would ride that face into the sunset
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
