he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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