I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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