there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
