im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
