dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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