Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
