Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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