walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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