If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
