I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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