Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
