In the future we'll all be gay
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I have already put on my inside pants.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
