I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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