I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
