Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
