wat bout pragnant strippers??
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
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