Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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