So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
