she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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