im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
