I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
