i always forget guys have bellybuttons
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
