I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
