TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
