Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
