So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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