You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
