can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I met the friendliest cop last night
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
