I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
