Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
