and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
