I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
