Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
