Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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